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It all began innocently enough with a n00b's introduction thread:

stig259 quickly proved himself flame worthy with his ridiculous and nonsensical statements, and the thread ballooned to 4 pages in a little over an hour, basically all flames and what not. But the thing is that stig is one of those wonderful people who doesn't get sarcasm, so when I did the following:
[quote=clarkma5]Having you around is like having a cute little kid running around. You're like awwwwwwwww how cute. tongue.gif[/quote]

He responded like this:
[quote=stig259]whoa whoa whoa,play the real waltz, are you a girl?[/quote]

The stage was set...

The PMs begin...

Stig, thick though his skull was, finally started to get the clue that he wasn't liked by most members of the board. He still, however, did not understand my sarcasm, which prompted this rather heart-touchingly hilarious communiqué over PM:
[quote=stig259]dear clarkma i want to say (if you're a woman) that i ment it when i said i loved you, please tell PBB & arnge what i will say cause its very important to me,i'l never forget you 3 as close friends,the rest shame on them, turns out i'm actually 14 years old thats true.FINAL WORDS you 3 should be praised for making me happy,let gods light come your way & shine over you, i'l never forget you.
(begins to cry like a 14 year old does) i'l see you again one day...

the stig [/quote]
Which was quickly followed up with this delicious bit of trivia:
[quote=stig259](blows a kiss)
the stig

p.s do you have hotmail if so then this is my adress after you read this answer me please

dont show my adress to anyone else its between you & me ok [/quote]
So we knew we had the e-mail address of a 14 year old kid who thought I was a woman who was claiming to love me...plans started to form in the IRC chat.

If that weren't enough, he sent three more PMs. They were completely inconsequential, but they are very funny nonetheless:
[quote=stig259]one more thing are you a boy or a girl?
answer me back OK.

the stig again [/quote]
[quote=stig259]you,re a girl! do you know my hotmail adress if so please contact me tommorow OK i've got school tomorrow & its past 2.15

love the stig. [/quote]
[quote=stig259]so what do you think of me as a 14 year old who makes a good cock of himself & bans himself on his first day? :heart:

el stigio [/quote]

Enter The Amateur Porn...

It just so happens that earlier that day PBB had linked the IRC chat to a positive treasure trove of amateur porn, which contained many delightful specimens of attractive young women. It's so rare that everything comes together this well...

The first e-mail was typed up, with the name "mandy" selected to fit with the ma in clarkma.

Attached were these two pictures of "me":

Then it was just a matter of receiving his reply...

Back And Forth

Within a matter of hours we had our first reply from stig:
[quote=stig over e-mail]what you fancy me?,nobodys ever said that to me,since i look like a
bitten rubber chewed pencil.still thanx for the pics your... HOT! &
i've got
a beard well a tiny one...are you single? LOL

love from the stigrider or my real name which is william or willy to my
friends. ^^
And for whatever reason, he sent a second e-mail at the same time:
[quote=stig over e-mail]kissy kissy goodnight,i might be 14 but i'm still a loveless sap

sleeping stig


So we had the fish on the hook, now we just had to reel him in...

Enter the second e-mail:

Attached to this e-mail was the following image, again found by the internet-scouring PBB:

Time to wait for his reply again...and then, to drop the hammer on him.

He's Really In It Now

The next day when I checked my e-mail I got SEVEN replies from him! SEVEN!! And in those seven replies was a treasure trove of possibilities...

[quote=stig over email]thanks for cheering me up back there,i broke down into tears with the
message,one thing,do you like me? cause i don't think anybody said that
me before,another are you american!!!,i'm half japanese/half english!!!
[quote=stig over email]so how is it in america?
can you scan a picture of you in clothes please, just to cool off my
destruction of dieselstation into a nuclear accident, they'll never
me for my wreckless & to be fair mindless actions, i'm not really that

the stig
[quote=stig over email]i just want to put my brief moment at dieselstation (& dieselstation
behind me, its hard but in the end,all i want is a proper future,where
won't be outdone by men (women are OK i don't mind.) who treat me as if
a looney, even though yes i feel like a abject coward,still thanks for
cheering me up i don't know what i had done without you. ^^
My personal favorite:
[quote=stig over email]STOP! did you lie to the others in another forum thred that your gay?
if so i'm so in love with you right now.

[quote=stig over email]i've just read you're bigpengiun blog, i must say i'm very impressed!
do you like anime, i love it!


p.s sorry for the posts
[quote=stig over email]your names matt and your a girl,or do you use the name matt to confuse
people? (like perverts)
[quote=stig over email]one final thing, remind me NEVERto go back to DS.
thank you,why? look at my topic...

love stig
We entered the final stages of the plan as we prepared the third email, which would have to lead him on just until he finished reading it and then have him open the attached image for some high-class n00b pwnage.

To which was attached this image:

All that was left now was to deal with the aftermath.

Jesus He's Stupid

I must admit I had expectations about his last reply...namely, anger at being owned. I never could've guessed how wrong I was until I opened this gem:
[quote=stig over email]who is that?
i'd recommend the love hina manga seriously funny

Grrrr he didn't even GET it! We went into crisis mode, wondering how we could save this whole thing, and then we got the answer...aggressive insults and crude language!

Queue e-mail #4:

So, What Happened?

I hate to be anticlimactic, but...uhh...nothing. He never responded and we left it at that. Sorry. tongue.gif
surf chics = thumbs_up.gif :heart:

the "you're banned" pic is priceless.
fiber optic
This is one f'd up gameshow.
Hopefully we hear from stig again... I miss laughing uproariously at his antics already. cry.gif
You broke a 14 years old sad.gif that is so sad .
He probably killed himself.
When I started reading I thought clarkma violated oldsmoboat's law. But damnit this made my day.
HOLY SHIT. Clarkmafive, you rock.
Took you long enough...tongue.gif
I'm an admin at, and our newest member is "stig55". This saga might not be over yet...

midnight, link?
Dr. Strangelove
Holy shit, that was the most in depth n00b ownage I have ever seen. But, c'mon was that really needed? I mean Love Hina was a good show.
QUOTE(BlackJack @ Apr 26 2006, 05:04 PM) *

midnight, link?

He hasn't posted yet, and his IP registers to Haifa, Israel.

O_o. is that forum like this one? i would like to see any possible action over there.
QUOTE(Dr. Strangelove @ Apr 26 2006, 09:08 PM) *
Holy shit, that was the most in depth n00b ownage I have ever seen. But, c'mon was that really needed? I mean Love Hina was a good show.

IMO the first five episodes were barley tolerable, but after that crap.
I've only seen a little bit of Love Hina, so I can't really judge it...the point was to make fun of him.
QUOTE(BlackJack @ Apr 26 2006, 05:14 PM) *
O_o. is that forum like this one? i would like to see any possible action over there.

If anything happens, y'all will be the first to know.
Bwahahahahahah Good job!!!! laugh.gif I can't beleive you did that! thumbs_up.gif
What pwnage.
haha..that's awesome. That's just too funny, although it would've been better if you had gotten a reply, just to see what he's thinking now. Good stuff there clarkma.
clark, you're such a tramp
girl and etc
ouch, you guys are harsh! i love it :heart:

eta: no, milkmandan and i aren't sitting right next to each other on our respective laptops reading the same threads, really tongue.gif
Hahahaha! Oh my lord. That was the biggest prank i've seen in a while! Good job!
This is why l never make intro threads whenever I join forums. They mostly consist of inside jokes and jokeful bashing of other members tongue.gif
one of the funniest threads i've read.

you must've felt gay writing those emails. tongue.gif
QUOTE(veritech @ Apr 26 2006, 10:09 PM) *
one of the funniest threads i've read.

you must've felt gay writing those emails. tongue.gif

That came naturally to him !

and clark ... you are one ugly mofo tongue.gif
ahahahaha fucking owned.

im Lollerskating right now ahahaha, even though i already knew the plan and everything. ahahaha
OWNED!!! One of my friends saw the photo of Clarkma, while I was reading it, and died laughing. She then insisted on reading the article. I love you Mandy.
That kid...... jesus you probably destroyed what little self esteem he had. Still that was the most I have laughed in a long time, this needs to go in the hall of fame or something.
Clark , you are the ultimate n00b pwner .
I salute you .
Damn that was mean. Funny, yes. Still harsh. Still funny.

I'm gonna call you Mandy from now on.
Damn clark, you are one ugly ass girl. O___o

QUOTE(midnightdorifto @ Apr 26 2006, 04:59 PM) *
I'm an admin at, and our newest member is "stig55". This saga might not be over yet...

I'm a member there also but i dont post there often blush.gif
Ownage in its purest form!
Holy shit this brings back memories. That pic of clark answers SOOOO many questions lmao.

i'm surprised he didnt wanna cyber with you....maybe it was too soon, sounds like he wanted to take it slow

Hahahahaha! That was awesome.. I can't remember this thread at all, fucking funny anyway.
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