 He Waits..., LMAO! |
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 Feb 2 2006, 06:30 PM
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#1
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 [generic member title]  Group: Banned Posts: 1,044 Joined: 21-February 05 From: CA Member No.: 1,502  |
 bwahahaha. Gotta love Chuck Norris and DeviantArt!!  some "Facts" I never heard before that are hilarious: - Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. - Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. - In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. - Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves. - A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. - Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris. WAY MORE THAN BEFORE: http://chucknorrisfacts.com/index.html --------------------
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Feb 2 2006, 07:08 PM
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#2
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 Marginal Contributions Group: Members Posts: 2,085 Joined: 19-March 05 From: Michigan Member No.: 1,555 |
A few of my fav's:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. |
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Feb 2 2006, 07:26 PM
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#3
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 [J]akobi™ Group: Banned Posts: 7,686 Joined: 14-March 04 From: University of Hartford Member No.: 651 Car: 2002 Subaru Impreza 2.5RS |
QUOTE(Halflifehavock13 @ Feb 2 2006, 10:08 PM)  Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up. AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
-------------------- '02 Subaru Impreza 2.5RS
Subarus are to wagons what Kalashnikovs are to rifles. -Mitlov [23:01] Jordan: i'll just jack off on a merry-go-round so eventually my dick goes into the shape of a J [04:53] McKhaos Inc: you'd be surprised how fast i can get drunk and jack off <a href="http://mywebpages.comcast.net/4green/tuborg.jpg" target="_blank" title="Tuborg International Fan Club">Proud Member of the Tuborg International Fan Club</a> |
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Feb 2 2006, 08:02 PM
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#4
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 Banned Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 6-December 04 From: Ontario, Canada Member No.: 1,208 Car: N/A |
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
-------------------- HNNNNNNNGH
"Fuck you, you carwash cunt!" |
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Feb 2 2006, 08:35 PM
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#5
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 _________ Group: Members Posts: 1,815 Joined: 22-October 03 From: Canada Member No.: 138 |
Chuck Norris is so bad a**, that when he goes into water, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
-------------------- life behind bars
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Feb 2 2006, 08:58 PM
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#6
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 I'm bored Group: Members Posts: 11,011 Joined: 26-August 03 From: Atlanta Member No.: 2 Car: 2001 VW GTI VR6 |
 my camera phone sucks -------------------- |CRANKSHAFTED.COM
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Feb 3 2006, 12:40 PM
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#7
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Marginal Contributions Group: Members Posts: 2,085 Joined: 19-March 05 From: Michigan Member No.: 1,555 |
I'm not sure if the website has this one:
One day, a blind guy bumped into Chuck norris on the street. The blind man said sorry and Chuck Norris said it's ok. Then, the blind man suddenly got his sight back! The first and last things the blind man saw was Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick to the face. |
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Feb 3 2006, 03:44 PM
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#8
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[generic member title] Group: Banned Posts: 1,044 Joined: 21-February 05 From: CA Member No.: 1,502 |
Chuck Norris was actually born Merle Jenkins. At school a bully named Chuck Norris made fun of Merle's name, so Merle roundhouse kicked him into outer space and declared, "I am now Chuck Norris." Thus began the phrase "kicking ass and taking names."
bwahahaha!! Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris can in fact touch MC Hammer. LOL!! --------------------
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Feb 3 2006, 03:50 PM
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#9
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 i like turtles Group: Banned Posts: 3,052 Joined: 5-September 04 From: ontario,canada Member No.: 1,025 Car: 1993 Lexus LS400 |
ok
chuck norris jokes arent funny. At All. -------------------- *former* Winner Of DS's Best Tattoo Award!
Current Award Goes To darinzon! |
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Feb 3 2006, 03:56 PM
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#10
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[generic member title] Group: Banned Posts: 1,044 Joined: 21-February 05 From: CA Member No.: 1,502 |
Yes, they freaking are! Don't be such a pissclown.
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Feb 3 2006, 04:02 PM
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#11
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[J]akobi™ Group: Banned Posts: 7,686 Joined: 14-March 04 From: University of Hartford Member No.: 651 Car: 2002 Subaru Impreza 2.5RS |
QUOTE(RJ @ Feb 3 2006, 06:56 PM) Yes, they freaking are! Don't be such a pissclown. BENNY IS NOT A PISSCLOWN. -------------------- '02 Subaru Impreza 2.5RS
Subarus are to wagons what Kalashnikovs are to rifles. -Mitlov [23:01] Jordan: i'll just jack off on a merry-go-round so eventually my dick goes into the shape of a J [04:53] McKhaos Inc: you'd be surprised how fast i can get drunk and jack off <a href="http://mywebpages.comcast.net/4green/tuborg.jpg" target="_blank" title="Tuborg International Fan Club">Proud Member of the Tuborg International Fan Club</a> |
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Feb 3 2006, 04:04 PM
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#12
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Banned Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 6-December 04 From: Ontario, Canada Member No.: 1,208 Car: N/A |
chucknorrisfacts.com just ripped off the facts from the original source...
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty You'll also find the original Mr. T and Vin Diesel fact generators as well. -------------------- HNNNNNNNGH
"Fuck you, you carwash cunt!" |
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Feb 3 2006, 04:24 PM
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#13
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[generic member title] Group: Banned Posts: 1,044 Joined: 21-February 05 From: CA Member No.: 1,502 |
Yea, but they do give credit bro. And it's much easier when you don't have to rank and shit just to see another fact.
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Feb 3 2006, 09:35 PM
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#14
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 King of Queen's Group: Members Posts: 325 Joined: 8-September 05 From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada Member No.: 1,935 Car: 1985 BMW 325e |
Chuck Norris once walked down a street while he had an erection, there were no survivors.
-------------------- schumaker vroooom....
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Feb 4 2006, 12:13 AM
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#15
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 Pit Mechanic Group: Members Posts: 525 Joined: 27-December 05 From: San Francisco, CA Member No.: 2,165 |
these are hilarious!!
QUOTE Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone. anyways, did anyone happen to see the walker texas ranger clips on conan obrien a long time ago? now those were funny. |
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Feb 4 2006, 12:20 AM
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#16
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 I am de Law Group: Local Moderators Posts: 2,097 Joined: 10-July 05 From: All your bases Member No.: 1,802 |
I'm sorry, I know some people hate these, but this one gets me every time...
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. -------------------- |
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