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> Midnightdorifto's 7 Deadly Sins of Driving, Traffic Violations worthy of Capital Punishment
midnightdorifto
post Jun 11 2009, 03:08 PM
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In no particular bloody order:

1.) Tailgating. Excuse me, sir, I know we're both traveling at the same speed and this, for some reason, offends you so much that you'd like to be able to count the metal flakes in the paint on my rear bumper, but if it isn't too much to ask, once you back off at least a couple of car lengths, could you go chew on aluminum foil? If you can predict the future and know when I'm going to brake and when I'm going to accelerate from your position of clairvoyance 15 microns from the back of my car, you shouldn't be driving. You should be betting on horses and making a killing. If you do not, in fact, have the ability to predict the future, please save me raping your insurance company because you are a military-grade douchebag and hit the back of my car by just letting off the pedal on the right just a smidge.

2.) Weaving. For once, I'd like to see this guy and the tailgating guy hit each other. Head on. With nuclear-tipped Cavaliers. Why, for the love of Christ, do you see the need to find the smallest space between cars to squeeze through so that you can arrive at your particular domicile 45 seconds earlier? Is Grey's Anatomy really that important to you? Hulu has it, so you can quit it with the ridiculous lane changes.

3.) Sitting below the belt-line of your car. I'm going to go ahead and assume that your chair is broken to the point where you must recline all the way back in your seat and your head barely clears the steering wheel. That or you're avoiding enemy fire by ducking and covering. Because, under no circumstances, could that possibly look cool or be at all practical unless you're attempting to both sleep and drive, which, I do not believe is entirely possible in this realm of existence. Oh, and turn down the fucking music. Yes, we know you listen to rap and have a sub woofer the size of a yak. It was what first tipped us off to your mental incapacitation. Good luck at the Holding Hands meeting, hope you find a monkey that takes a liking to you.

4.) Not using a turn signal. How in the hell do you drive without your hands? I'm assuming this because otherwise it would indicate that you just don't use an indicator when switching lanes or turning. And that would make you a giant cock. Maybe you have the same telekinesis that the tailgating guy has, but, otherwise, it's the stalk on the left, fuckwit.

5.) Left-Lane Bandits. Do you know why they call it the passing lane? Are you at all curious? Or are you just fucking happy to sit doing 10 under the limit and backing up traffic like a drum major? Are you capable of intelligent thought? Are you mouthing the words while reading this?

6.) Eaters/Shavers/Makeup Artists. How fucking bulimic do you have to be so malnourished to the point of eating while driving a 3500lb. vehicle at 70mph? And at what point in time did you wake up so late that the only time you can find to shave or apply makeup is in the middle lane at 7:30 with people who have children and other such things to live for driving in the lane next to you? Are you that goddamn stubbly/whorish? I know its a full 3 minutes of your morning to give up, but for the sake of the rest of humanity, next time you feel the need to multi-task while driving just stab yourself.

7.) Cell phone users. I discovered that people with cellphones cannot drive this morning personally when Princess Incompetence herself in a navy blue Corolla attempted to strike my existence while I was crossing the street at a stop sign on my bike. I would hate to interrupt your conversation so that you could pay attention to who is crossing the street, and I know that I'm a bad person deep down, but do you really think that is worthy of going to jail for vehicular manslaughter? I didn't think so either. And I know you're not really a bad person deep down, just a complete and utter failure at using that deductive engine known as a brain for anything productive. Hopefully stripping for the rest of your life treats you well. But before you discover that you have nothing to offer this world, I'll just say this: people on their cellphones (and hands-free devices) are impaired while driving. So fuck you.

Goddamnit.
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BlackJack
post Jun 11 2009, 03:12 PM
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VERY nicely said, good sir.

I have an extreme case of anger with #5. They are so fucking stupid and don't know how to fucking move 6 feet over to the right lane.


Also, you should post this in DS room 101 as well.
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Razor
post Jun 11 2009, 03:17 PM
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Post of the month. 150% accurate.
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BlackJack
post Jun 11 2009, 03:18 PM
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^I agree. This has GOT to go into the Legends. AND be stickied
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Halflifehavock13
post Jun 11 2009, 03:21 PM
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Don't forget teh foglights.
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MustangAficionad...
post Jun 11 2009, 03:34 PM
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I like the weaving type that nudges out in front of you with every last hp they have on tap while breaking the blinker rule and usually the eating or on a cell phone, then they sit in front of you going 5 under the limit. Being a in a hurry is at least logical to act like a dick - cuz perhaps you're a dick. But weavering in front of me like that and then not actually being in a hurry shows you're quite possibly just entirely unaware of the environment existing outside your automotive bubble - which scares me a lot more than dickheads.

This in part sums up some of my theory about SoCal shitty driving. LA is full of dickheads, who drive like dickheads and will sooner see you hit a road hazard sign then allow you over. This falls into the categories of no blinker, loud music (because dicks think their taste should be enjoyed by all), and of course blatant use of cell phones.

San Diego is the same but opposite. Few are dickheads, yet everyone drives like a dick. This is more dangerous. This is like the 78 year old woman who slowly merges you into the road hazard sign because she doesn't see you in her 250 degrees of blind spot. Or people who are kind enough to back up at stoplights to keep the crosswalk clear then leave the light still in reverse (seen this more than once). Cell phone usage appears not to be blatant as much but as a last resort - which is worse, because this is characterized by them not only talking on the phone but also staring for 10 seconds at every street sign and road address while driving at 60% of the limit to find the home of that $1,200 micro chihulabrdoodle on CraigsList.
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fiber optic
post Jun 11 2009, 03:40 PM
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People that roll through stops are probably my biggest aggravation. Even better when I come to a full stop and they are approaching the intersection after me and they assume my stop is yielding to them so they roll through. Working on attaching TOW missiles to my truck just for these guys.
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dukenukem
post Jun 11 2009, 04:23 PM
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I tailgate people when the fucker in the left lane is speed matching with people in the other lanes so noone can go past. For those i wish i could call in a helicopter gunship to give him some lead implants ... in the face.
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4wheelfreak
post Jun 11 2009, 06:14 PM
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I enjoy driving like a douche every once and a while
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hexagone
post Jun 11 2009, 06:33 PM
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Anyone driving faster than me is a maniac, anyone driving slower than me is an idiot.
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Vadvagool
post Jun 11 2009, 06:44 PM
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I don't tail gate, I draft. :-p
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midnightdorifto
post Jun 11 2009, 07:02 PM
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QUOTE(Vadvagool @ Jun 11 2009, 06:44 PM) *
I don't tail gate, I draft. :-p

Die.
QUOTE(4wheelfreak @ Jun 11 2009, 06:14 PM) *
I enjoy driving like a douche every once and a while

Die in fire.
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Pez
post Jun 11 2009, 07:05 PM
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Great list, but I'm curious to know how often people actually see others shaving whilst driving? I think this must be the epitome of stupidity.

Also, no mention of drunk drivers? They're always interesting to watch from 50m back.
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midnightdorifto
post Jun 11 2009, 07:15 PM
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QUOTE(Pez @ Jun 11 2009, 08:05 PM) *
Great list, but I'm curious to know how often people actually see others shaving whilst driving? I think this must be the epitome of stupidity.

Also, no mention of drunk drivers? They're always interesting to watch from 50m back.

Drive to work down 183 and GWB through Las Colinas (ever seen Office Space? That place.) in rush hour long enough and you see everything.

Drunk drivers just go without saying, that's just principally and phenomenally dumb.
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Razor
post Jun 11 2009, 07:20 PM
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QUOTE(dukenukem @ Jun 11 2009, 08:23 PM) *
I tailgate people when the fucker in the left lane is speed matching with people in the other lanes so noone can go past. For those i wish i could call in a helicopter gunship to give him some lead implants ... in the face.


Tell me... have you ever been stuck behind a Massachusetts Traffic Dam?
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duality
post Jun 11 2009, 07:21 PM
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i disagree with your post about multitasking while driving. it really isnt that hard. it all depends on the driving conditions and the type of road, but its ok imo. when you are listening to music and singing, or talking to someone in the car, thats also multitasking. so you want that people to never talk in a car with other passengers? because its almost the same as talking on a hands free device.

since most of US drives automatic cars, it is reasonable to argue that one doesn't need 2 hands to drive a car...so if you want to snack (not rice with curry) for a couple of minutes on a short stretch of road...it's not gonna kill anyone.
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midnightdorifto
post Jun 11 2009, 08:07 PM
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QUOTE(duality @ Jun 11 2009, 08:21 PM) *
i disagree with your post about multitasking while driving. it really isnt that hard. it all depends on the driving conditions and the type of road, but its ok imo. when you are listening to music and singing, or talking to someone in the car, thats also multitasking. so you want that people to never talk in a car with other passengers? because its almost the same as talking on a hands free device.

since most of US drives automatic cars, it is reasonable to argue that one doesn't need 2 hands to drive a car...so if you want to snack (not rice with curry) for a couple of minutes on a short stretch of road...it's not gonna kill anyone.

I've heard this excuse so many times it's difficult to even call my blood pressure "within human limits" when I hear it. Let's take these one at a time.

Eating while driving: you don't have both hands on the wheel. But more importantly, not only is your driving position compromised, you're taking your eyes of the road to see what you're doing. People wreck just changing the radio station, and eating adds a few dimensions to that. When you factor in the thought that most accidents on the road could be avoided with just 1-2 seconds of extra time, I'd say multi-tasking gets downright dangerous.

Cellphone usage: I'll let the research do the talking for me.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-9892735-1.html - Carnagie Melon study
http://spotlight.siu.edu/03082006/Hands-fr...versations.html - SIUC study
http://tech.yahoo.com/blog/hughes/24247 - University of Utah and American Psychological Association study
http://www.clickpress.com/releases/Detailed/46291005cp.shtml - University of Sydney and Transport Research Laboratory study

QUOTE(Transport Research Laboratory)
In the UK, research conducted at the Transport Research Laboratory has found that drivers talking on both hand-held and hands-free mobile phones have on average 30 per cent slower reaction times than those who have been drinking, and 50 per cent slower times than sober drivers.


So, you would be wrong on the multi-tasking thing.
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Pez
post Jun 11 2009, 09:10 PM
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I have to agree with duality on one thing here. How is talking to a passenger in your car any different from talking to a person on your hands-free? Of course if your using a hand held mobile then thats another story. Should they ban talking to eachother? tard.gif
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dukenukem
post Jun 11 2009, 09:31 PM
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talking with hands free or hand held or payphone makes little difference in my opinion. when you are engrossed in a conversation you have already diverted your attention from the task of driving which is just a big accident waiting to happen.
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duality
post Jun 11 2009, 11:08 PM
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QUOTE(midnightdorifto @ Jun 11 2009, 08:07 PM) *
I've heard this excuse so many times it's difficult to even call my blood pressure "within human limits" when I hear it. Let's take these one at a time.

Eating while driving: you don't have both hands on the wheel. But more importantly, not only is your driving position compromised, you're taking your eyes of the road to see what you're doing. People wreck just changing the radio station, and eating adds a few dimensions to that. When you factor in the thought that most accidents on the road could be avoided with just 1-2 seconds of extra time, I'd say multi-tasking gets downright dangerous.

Cellphone usage: I'll let the research do the talking for me.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-9892735-1.html - Carnagie Melon study
http://spotlight.siu.edu/03082006/Hands-fr...versations.html - SIUC study
http://tech.yahoo.com/blog/hughes/24247 - University of Utah and American Psychological Association study
http://www.clickpress.com/releases/Detailed/46291005cp.shtml - University of Sydney and Transport Research Laboratory study



So, you would be wrong on the multi-tasking thing.

i agree with you, and i can certainly believe that talking on cellphones reduces driver reaction hands off or on. but that doesn't change the fact that the above can be equated to driver talking to other people in the car. what about someone who is thinking about something in their mind? his/her concentration is also diverted in that sense. you can keep hating people who multitask while driving, but its a moot point because there are very few people who are 100% focused on driving. im not trying to say you're wrong, just offering food for thought.
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